


a star without its light

by jenohyucks



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, and also daejin, ep 11 broke me, i miss samhwi already, idk - Freeform, kinda daehwi centric, mentions of baejin, ok suddenly it becomes samuel centric im a loser, samhwi, samhwi deserved to debut together:((, samuel deserved better, theyre not in a relationship fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-15 00:25:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11219376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenohyucks/pseuds/jenohyucks
Summary: both of them knew, but neither spoke on it.words, in this place, do more harm than good.instead, a hug and some misplaced emotions say everything they need to.





	a star without its light

**Author's Note:**

> listen just deal with me i literally know this isnt how anything works in p101 but i just had to write this okay
> 
> i listened to exo's promise while writing this yall can tell why its gonna be depressing as fuck

it's all over.

 

the recordings, their performances, everything is over after tonight.

for some, that is.

 

a select 11 continues to perform, continues to shine.

daehwi's in that 11.

samuel isn't.

 

after the four remaining trainees show up on the screen, the only four that might have a chance of being included in the final 11.

samuel isn't there and daehwi's heart breaks into pieces. his eyes immediatly shift to the now violet-haired boy, still standing on the doomed triangle. he looks like he's about to cry, and daehwi's heart breaks even more. he'd never even thought samuel wouldn't make it. he was so sure, he was so happy, after they had called him out, he was so happy he was gonna debut with samuel.

turns out, he isn't.

he won't.

 

 

when the cameras turn off and everything is wrapped up, daehwi and samuel each at a different end of the arena, saying their goodbyes to different people. samuel is ashamed. he feels as if he let daehwi down. daehwi is broken. he feels undeserving to face samuel.

 

they both avoid each other for the rest of that night.

 

 

it's their last night at the dorms. their bags are all packed, everything is ready, and the first thing in the morning, they're planned to leave.

 

daehwi can't sleep. he's roaming the practice rooms, flashbacks of laughter and tears running through his mind, all the pain and suffering, all the happiness and joy, and he soon finds himself in the corner of one of their practice rooms, sobbing, head buried in knees, and he barely registers when a figure appears next to him.

 

''couldn't sleep?'', a soft familiar voice greets him, but he doesn't have the courage to look up.

''muel-ah, what are you doing h-here?'', daehwi whispers and samuel softly carresses his hair.

''don't cry'', samuel tells him in english, and daehwi chuckles, lifting his head up to look at him.

 

''they're right, samuel'', daehwi continues and samuel knows what he's speaking of in a second.

''that should've been you, not me, they're all right'', he sobs harder.

''i'm sorry'', he whispers when he feels a warm embrace around him.

 

''they're wrong, hwi. you deserved that place fair and square. this one's on me'', samuel chuckles, although his eyes fill with tears too.

 

''w-we were supposed to do it together, samuel. we were supposed to make our dreams come true. us, together, i-'', daehwi breaks down again.

 

''i'm sorry, hwi, i'm sorry i couldn't debut with you'', samuel sobs softly. it hurts. it hurts to be like this. it hurts to see daehwi like this.

 

''no it's- it's not your fault- you did your best, sammy'', they're leaning on each other, daehwi's arm around samuel's waist.

 

''yeah.. i guess it just wasn't good enough, huh'', he smiles bitterly.

''i hate this so much'', daehwi whispers, and he's laughing, simply so he wouldn't cry more.

 

''atleast you have jinyoung-hyung, huh''.

''samuel we've already talked about this, you know jinyoung-hyung and i- we're just friends'', daehwi whines. _why are we having this conversation now of all times_ , his mind echoes.

 

''i just- you two are so close, and all the fans constantly talk about you two and i just- he's gonna debut, hwi, he's gonna debut with you'', samuel sounds almost embarrassed, desperate. ''he's gonna do what i can't''.

 

daehwi sighs, and samuel feels a soft hand intertwining with his own. he turns to daehwi, but the latter just stares at the mirrors in the practice room, not bothering to spare samuel a single look. samuel only guesses it's because he can't.

''you don't- you don't need me, muel, to make your dream come true. you can do it, on your own. i know you can. and when you do, i'll be by your side, supporting you'', daehwi sobs again, his efforts to hide it gone in vain.

 

''i don't want to be without you, hwi'', samuel whispers out, staring at daehwi's side profile, a single tear streaming down, overlapping the trails of other, previous ones. 

daehwi shuts his eyes. _it's gonna be okay_ , he repeats to himself, but he can't find it in him to believe those words.

 

after a moment or two of silence, their hands still linked, and none even attempting to let go, samuel speaks up.

''i'm so, so proud of you, you know'', he's smiling, and this time it's genuine. he really is proud of his daehwi.

 

''i'm proud of you too, samuel'', daehwi turns back, but he's still not looking towards samuel, rather just staring straight into space.

he feels a warm breath by his neck, and a soft kiss planted to his jaw. daehwi closes his eyes, and he can hear samuel's voice, a muted ''thank you'' reaching his ears.

 

he wishes to stay like that forever. they both do.

 

''i don't want to leave you''.

 

''i don't want you to leave either, hwi. but, you're gonna be a busy man now, after all, you're debuting. you're gonna be a star''.

 

''what's a star without it's light, though?''.

 

''so then i'm your light?''.

 

 

''you're my everything''.

 

 

eventually, daehwi's exhaustion gets the best of him, and he dozes off on samuel's shoulder, mumbling something that awfully sounds similar to ''i love you'', but samuel doesn't want to assume.

 

no matter how much samuel wants to join daehwi in dreaming, something prevents him, over and over again. he doesn't know what.

if he had to guess, it's the fact that daehwi's breathing is steady, peaceful, and his eyes are closed, and his hair is messed up just in the right places, and that his cheeks are stained red from the tears, yet he still manages to look beautiful, and it's the fact that he can feel daehwi's soft breathing, and that their hands are still linked, and samuel really, really wants to kiss him, and it just might be the fact that kim samuel finds himself admiring lee daehwi for the rest of the night. he's whipped and he doesn't know if anything worse has ever happened to him.

 

 

 

''hwi, it's dawn, we have to go back'', samuel softly shakes daehwi. slowly opening his eyes, daehwi asks in a soft, almost inaudible voice what time it is, when he realizes they only have about four hours until they're leaving.

 

samuel pulls him up, and not letting his hand go, leads him back to their dorms. ''change and get ready for the trip, okay?'', they're back to korean, and daehwi suddenly feels awkward. he pushes his lips together, nods and leaves a sighing samuel in the hall. samuel might just be able to hear more quiet sobs in daehwi's dorm, and a lot of ''daehwi-yaah, don't cryy'', but he doesn't find the courage to even think of it. instead he runs away from it, hoping daehwi would think he didn't hear anything.

 

when he gets back to his own, for some reason, empty dorm, the first thing he does is throw his head in the pillow and sob. daehwi's words from the night before keep echoing in his head.

 

_''w-we were supposed to do it together, samuel. we were supposed to make our dreams come true. us, together, i-''._

 

 

it becomes a loop in his mind, images of daehwi's beautiful features decorated with tears, his eyes red, and then the words, and samuel genuinely feels like a failure.

 

three times he's been this close.

_this time it's different,_ he thinks.

_it's different because he's here._

_i wanted to do it for him._

_for us to keep being us._

 

he sobs quietly, until his energy is drained and he doesn't have the will to even cry anymore, and the sleepless night before catches up to him when he rolls onto his back, counting imaginary stars.

more of daehwi's words echo in his head, and samuel really feels like he's going crazy.

 

_''what's a star without it's light, though?''._

_''so then i'm your light?''._

_''you're my everything''._

 

after about an hour and a half, samuel really, really hopes that daehwi's words are true, and he's pulling him away, just before they need to leave, giving him the tightest hug he's ever given. daehwi wants to stay in his embrace forever. samuel feels the same. somehow, both of them know it.

 

neither of them speak about it. words would only do more damage, more damage than there already is.

 

''i'll miss you, hwi'', he says in english, a soft whisper only daehwi can hear. ''me too, i- i'll miss you a lot, samuel'', daehwi nods, blinking away tears.

 

after daehwi turns to leave, his bnm hyungs waiting for him, samuel's mind is just a bit slower than his heart, when he hurridly gets to daehwi, giving him another, final back hug.

 

''make me proud, hwi. go be a star. your light will always be there with you''.

 

daehwi smiles, holding on to samuel's hands.

 

''i will. i promise''. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hate myself i wanted it to have a happy ending but this is just  
> empty  
> ,,,


End file.
